- The Hostess Company launches a rocket to the moon to make a smiley face of Twinkies on the lunar surface.
- Rick Perry gives up Texas politics to become the new Marlboro man.
- Governor Mark Dayton travels to Las Vegas to delver a speech at a political workshop, mistakenly goes to a comedy club instead, and what became a one night stand up comedy act is a smash hit. Variety Magazine lauds his impersonation of a fumbling politician.
- The Guthrie Theater closes. IKEA immediately snaps up a deal to buy the building and opens a multi-level bar furniture mart.
- Block E becomes converted into a multi-store discount mall featuring K Mart, Walmart, Sam’s Club, Mattress World, and The Used Tire Emporium.
- Latest trend in hip restaurants: pot hole cooking. Chefs will fabricate facsimiles of potholes in city streets, installing burners underneath to prepare food for their patrons – the most popular being pot roast.
- Minneapolis School board goes for ranked choice voting to select new superintendent: Miss Richfield is elected.
The administration of the Minnesota Orchestra will continue the musicians’ lockout with their new economic plan to operate at a small deficit by paying executives and staff without offering any orchestra musical programming.- The University of Minnesota will follow the Minnesota Orchestra’s administration’s economic plan: to make funding available for increased staff, the U will eliminate students.
- Saint Paul officials require uneaten lutefisk must be deposited in a hazardous waste dump.
Twin Cities Daily Planet (https://www.tcdailyplanet.net/journal-american-rocket-science-predictions-year-2014/)
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