To hug the mountain, to envelop that mountain

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by Jeff Fecke | August 10, 2009 • Robert Wright gives us a little bit of sublime.

Jeff Fecke is a freelance writer who lives in Eagan, Minnesota.In addition to his own blog, Blog of the Moderate Left, he also contributes to Alas, a Blog, Minnesota Campaign Report, and AlterNet. Fecke has appeared as a guest on the “Today” show, the Alan Colmes radio show, and the Mark Heaney Show. Fecke is divorced, and the father of one really terrific daughter. His debut novel, The Valkyrie’s Tale, is now available.

Incidentally, that is William Shatner talking about the opening to Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, a movie that most fans of Trek argue never actually happened. (Much like Rocky V and both Matrix sequels. They never happened. It was all a dream. Don’t you feel better now?)

Still, even in a movie that is best disappeared down the memory hole, the scene Shatner describes is a particularly egregious bit of suck. As you may recall, the movie opens with Capt. James Tiberius Kirk climbing El Capitan, only to fall off to certain doom. Spock, in an amazingly blunt bit of foreshadowing, uses anti-gravity boots to intercept the falling Kirk just before he hits the ground. Hooray!

Except, of course, for physics, the laws of which ye canna’ change. Kirk was probably falling at close to terminal velocity when Spock grabbed him by the ankle; assuming that his ankle wouldn’t have simply pulled off, Kirk’s brain most certainly wouldn’t have stopped moving at the same time his body did, leading to almost certain death from blunt force injuries.

Granted, Trek has never worried about physics when it got in the way of a good story, Montgomery Scott’s protests aside. But even so, this was a particularly egregious bit of stupidity, one that set the tone for the dumbest of all the Trek movies. The only good thing about the movie was that it gave us this exchange from “Futurama”:

Leonard Nimoy: Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.

William Shatner: And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much!

Truer words were never spoken.

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