In bloom: On reaching a parental tipping point

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I wonder if this happens to every parent…you pause midstream and look up and think, “Oh, this. This is why I wanted to be a parent.” I can’t really explain it and I will sound like a scary mommy when I admit that some phases of parenting for me were just plain ick. Babies and toddlers were not my game. Sure, I loved a good rock in the chair, story time, and inhaling the precious new baby smell but after that…it really did feel like living in the trenches. Toddlers make you question your sanity every single day yet I know some moms who loved that stuff and still go weak when they encounter a newborn and become wistful whenever they pass the toddler section of Target. Mostly I think, “I am glad it is not me.” These are hard thoughts to admit to and definitely not popular because who can disses a baby? But it is true for me. Continue Reading

A great tree fell: Reflections on Maya Angelou’s passing

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It seems only fitting that I spent some of yesterday saying good-bye to a phenomenal woman, Maya Angelou, as she sang her last song on earth before flying freely into other worlds while I am in the heat of trying to raise my own phenomenal woman. My girl and I are facing some hard times, some sort of predictable challenges that come with being a young woman but with a bent that is worrisome to me. Continue Reading

A whisper

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The sappy cards and flowers and pretty boxes of chocolate in every store I see mock how I feel on this particular Mother’s Day. Over 234 girls were stolen from a place that was supposed to be a safe haven, a place where girls could learn in order to create a better life for themselves and their families. I just don’t know how to think about this. All I can think of is a moment I had a few nights ago with my own daughter. Continue Reading

Does your job define you?

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My kids have been asking me about my job. I can see that what I do does not fit with what they hear at school or see in their friend’s parents lives. They feel a bit mystified at having two parents who are turning some of life’s big questions inside out right in front of them, and they aren’t quite sure what to make of it. While we have explained that many years of hard work have prepared us for these rainy days we are in, at least one of us having a job title seems important to them. Continue Reading

Making toast

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How many of us have ever looked at our kids and felt empathy because we felt sure we knew just what they were going through because of our own past experiences? It might be true to a point, but I think the hardest part of parenting through difficult times is that we can’t own our child’s struggle. It is theirs, not ours. We can’t fix, mend, mask, make better. Instead we can love and offer assistance when requested. Short of intervening because of medical concerns, all that is left to do is let go. Even when kids have the kinds of troubles where medical and mental professionals get involved, the lion’s share of the work belongs to the child. Continue Reading

Riverview Drive: Thoughts on an accident

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I take the “river road” (known as Riverview Drive) when I am driving from my house located in a valley off Highway 14 near Winona, MN. To get downtown, I head south on 14 and just putter along at the posted 40 miles per hour speed limit and at this rate, you ease your way into the heart of downtown Winona in less than ten minutes. It’s about an eight mile stretch from my house to my favorite book store, and the last four miles give me a spectacular view of Mississippi backwaters before I end up staring at the old girl herself. I pass the grain elevator, which keeps the traffic heavy with trucks, a few boathouses, the Minnesota Marine Art Museum and whatever river life the season offers. Usually there are joggers of different breeds, effortless college kids, determined middle-agers, and an octogenarian who always makes me smile because of his tenacity. Waterfowl abound, the trees dressed up in the spring and fall or stripped naked in the winter, and of course, the river who speaks clearly for herself. The soft rolling sound of a train running down the tracks parallel to the river sometimes completes this scene. Continue Reading

Fire, wishes and work

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Big Man tried to circumnavigate the fire building process recently by putting up a screen on his computer of a roaring fire. Every ten minutes or so, an arm or hand appeared to add a log while the audibly crackling fire roared on at a steady pace. The kids and I were unimpressed, and he was put out that we barely chuckled. Continue Reading

Little piggies and parenting

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There is a photo somewhere in which I am about six and wearing a teal fake fur winter coat. We are gorgeous, that coat and me. I am holding a pinkish white baby pig close to my chest, cradling and squishing it like a beloved baby doll. Continue Reading

I am anything but real simple

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I keep thinking about the covers of a magazine called Real Simple. Every month it appears at the grocery check-out. Each cover has clean lines and one dominate color and the featured items are neatly placed in spots created just for them. I salivate with longing for a simple way of being, a way in which everything has its place and there is a place for everything…always. Continue Reading