Things a mother pig might be thinking as she gives birth at the Miracle of Birth barn at the Minnesota State Fair

“Miracle,” my ass!

You know, it’s the video cameras that really cross the line here.

Sure, and where’s this crowd going to be when I’m off to the ol’ slaughterhouse next year?

One down, 13 to go. God, I hope that first one wasn’t just the runt.

Pink. Again?!

If one more kid yells BA-RAM-YU!, I’m going to shoot the next piglet straight into his sno-cone.

I should’ve made Wilbur take that paternity test.

Well, on the bright side, that’s not my lacquered stomach hanging from the ceiling.

I can’t take the pressure!

“Eeew?” Listen, kid, it’s not like you were gently deposited by a stork on a pristine Formica countertop.

Ugh, I feel so fat.

Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!

Photo by Michael Loudon (Creative Commons)