The Mailman dresseth


Today’s post comes from idea man Spin Williams, who is always in residence at The Meeting That Never Ends.

I was sitting in The Meeting yesterday considering the disappointing retail numbers from the fourth quarter of 2012 when I finally understood the source of all our problems.

Not enough marketing.

You heard me. People who hate marketing because it’s artificial will argue with me on this, but I believe marketing is the only thing that can revive our sluggish economy. If consumers aren’t consuming and spenders aren’t spending, you have to do something to make them WANT things. Ideally they will want things that can be manufactured cheaply and sold at an enormous profit. And all you have to do is convince them this cheaply made thing will turn them into the people they long to be.

Simple, right?

Not so. Our recovery is being held back by an absence of role models. We’re finding out that athletes, movie stars, and even politicians are not the sterling examples we wanted them to be. Why buy an actor’s name-brand body wash or a football star’s replica jersey when the chances are so good that they will be in disgrace before the week is out?

With constant surveillance and the 24 hour news cycle contributing to overexposure for everyone, it is simply too risky to identify yourself with anyone known. That’s why this idea struck me as pure genius.

The US Postal Service is about to launch a line of branded clothing. Soon you will be able to buy garments that resonate with the Postal Service motto about persevering through snow, rain, heat and gloom of night. The idea is not to look like the mailman, but to carry the mailman’s determined reputation through to your everyday outerwear.


Here at T.M.T.N.E., we want to solicit other public servants to license clothing brands of their own, just in case the postal idea takes off!

I’m thinking selfishness is going out of fashion. Today’s buyers want to identify with people who work to serve the common good. All we need to do is list some of those noble individuals, figure out how they dress, and get the to sign before it’s too late!

Any suggestions?

I happen to think garbage haulers are heroes, but I’m not sure I want to dress like one. Not head-to-toe, anyway. Ankle-to-toe? Maybe. Could a line of hypo-allergenic steel-toed boots have some appeal?

Today’s marketers want to sell you on the idea of dressing in someone else’s clothes.

But whose?