I lost a billion dollars today


I lost a billion dollars today.

I’ve never lost that much in a day, so I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. But it was sunny and gorgeous outside, so I know I don’t feel as bad as I should.

Yup, in the very first game of the Warren Buffett one-in-a-quintillion perfect men’s basketball bracket, I blew it. Unbelievably, Dayton beat Ohio State. I voted for Woody Hayes’ Ohio State because I didn’t like how Dayton forced the Vikings’ stadium on us. I should have known better; always follow the money.

I checked at the U’s Coffman Union lost and found, but no one turned in my billion dollars there. So I’m posting this in the hopes that if one of you found it, you could leave a comment and tell me how to get in touch with you. I can ride my bike right over.

Wait, my bike needs a repair job.

To tell the truth, I didn’t fill out a Buffett bracket. You needed a mobile phone number to enter, and I don’t have one of those. But still, if you find my money, please leave a comment.