Getting out of this racket. Am quitting the business of being a music critic. I thought theater companies, directors, and actors had me on a shit list all these years, but music fans probably are pitching in to finance putting a contract out on me.
Hell, reviewed a Prof album in 2011 for Sounding Off On Sound and just still catch it in the neck about that. Swear to God, just yesterday got a new complaint. Don’t even get me started about some ersatz, psuedo-jazz vocalist whose followers flooded the Daily Planet with protestations, principally based on that vocalist being a finalist at one of these Ted Mack’s Original Amateur Hour type of shows they put on TV today. Then there’s the artist whose manager wrote in and asked to have my review deleted. Not to mention what I had to say about Voices Merging’s hip hop conference From Vices To Verses: A New Era of Hip-Hop & Action at the University of Minnesota and the Cabooze a few years ago. You would swear to God that I had shot somebody’s dog.
Those are only the major complaints. I had sung the praises of a popular, local rock ‘n’ soul powerhouse band for years. Was, in fact, the first to cover and did it so faithfully, you’d’ve thought I was on the payroll. I catch ’em on an off-night, turn in a lukewarm review, and haven’t none of ’em or their manager given me so much as the time of day since. There is no confirmation of the malicious rumor that my review was the cause of the group’s breakup. Another fantastic band released a long-awaited second album that turned out to be whack. Which is what I said. One unfavorable review after tons of articles and interviews carrying on like they had invented having a good time. They don’t speak to me anymore, either.
Sprinkled in between the big-time grousing are scads of remarks from the discontented. Honestly, I stopped counting long ago just how many folk are under the distinct impression that as a music critic I make a good house painter. I’ll put it like this, Twin Cities Daily Planet’s arts editor showed me a checklist of pros and cons from collected reader feedback. A whole lot of folk—not everybody, ’cause some people—a few, anyway, think I know what I’m doing. Compared to the general readership, a very few.
Oh, well. Nobody likes me. Gonna dig a deep hole, crawl in, pull it closed after me and die.
Yep, going to make a note to be sure and put that on my to-do list. First thing in the morning. Right after I finish next month’s reviews.