Downey wants to pay public workers like private workers

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State Rep. Keith Downey has a bill which would change public employee compensation based on a comparison to the private sector.Downey said, “The purpose of this is to put to rest this issue of whether we’re fairly compensating public sector workers.”  Well, sure, because if it turns out public workers are being paid less, Republicans will raise their pay and consider the issue settled, right? Of course, because we know how science-driven Republicans are, so let’s have a study as no one has ever done a study to compare the pay of the private and public sectors.

Oh wait, someone has. But that one came up with the wrong result, that the public sector is undercompensated when comparing similar education and experience, so best not use it.

Downey is on to something though. Make compensation like the private sector. That means for getting fired from an executive position, Ellen Anderson has a couple million dollars in bonus coming. Yes, I say, treat her just like similar executives in the private sector. The Republican legislators should march into her office and tell her, “That’s it Anderson. We’ve had it with your refusal to refuse to believe science. You’re fired. Pack up your stuff and get your sorry self out of this office. Here are your big bags of money.”

And what about the governor? He’s essentially CEO of the state. That’s a pretty big organization. Shouldn’t he get millions every year? The indignant Republican response would surely be something like, “Millions for Dayton, seriously? we won’t even like the way he does his job! Do you know what would happen in the private sector if some guy who already had a bunch of money  did a lousy job as a CEO? Why he’d be fired, with a multi-million pre-negotiated bonus, so we cold replace him with someone who would cost even more since he’s supposed to be better, and this example isn’t making our point at all, is it?”

No, it’s not. But let’s forget the executives. If we’re going to make public sector pay like private sector pay, then would that make the Republican legislators like a board of directors? No, they’re not the same. Corporate directors have a part-time job that consists of just attending some meetings where a few might work, but most just vote on things they don’t understand, and preen-about in displays of superior self-importance except for those times when they’ve embarrassed themselves and need to hide. Actually, they pretty much are the same. That means the Republican legislators need to raise their pay about ten-fold.

Well, nice to find points of agreement. $350,000/year for a legislator — um, am I too late to run?