City officials push to make green a primary color


(April 1, 2008) As part of the city of Minneapolis’ ever-growing commitment to sustainability and the environment, Mayor R.T. Rybak and the City Council began an earnest campaign on April 1 to add the color green to the list of primary colors, which currently includes only the colors red, yellow and blue.

“With the coming of spring, and the rapidly deteriorating state of our global ecosystem, the time has come to give green its due,” announced Rybak outside City Hall on April 1, wearing a forest-green suit, mint-green shirt and socks of mismatched verdant hues to mark the occasion.

“Green is the most prevalent color in the natural world,” stated Ward 2 Council Member Cam Gordon at the ceremonial event. “Consider all the trees and plant life that are so key to our planet’s survival,” he said, adding that the ocean isn’t really blue, if you think about it.

Ward 3 Council Member Diane Hofstede echoed Gordon’s sentiments about the color’s prevalence and importance. “If that isn’t the definition of a primary color, I don’t know what is,” she said.

Ward 7 Council Member Lisa Goodman angrily dismissed skeptics, who criticized the resolution as political posturing and a scientific fallacy. “That’s the kind of outdated, enlightenment-era thinking that got us into this global mess,” said Goodman in response to assertions that green is, in fact, a secondary color formed by combining the colors yellow and blue.

Ward 9 Council Member Gary Schiff agreed. “At one time, we believed the earth was flat,” he said, referring to Western society as a whole, not the Council specifically. “It’s time to look forward, not back.”

Editor’s note: April Fool!