Bear scat rant

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Today’s post comes as a text from Bart, the bear who found a smart phone in the woods.

He can hear you now!

He can hear you now!

Hey,

Bart here with some advice for you. Show a little respect for someone else’s personal details before you go sharing them around, eh?

I know I’m a bear. So I get it that I don’t get to have privacy. That’s obvious. It’s “does-a-bear-poop-in-the-woods” obvious.

I am a bear, and we do. No big surprise.

So you have to wonder why it winds up being in the news.

I get it that this was in somebody’s back yard and not in the actual WOODS, but c’mon. Outside is outside. So what if you cut the grass and raked the leaves? It still looks like a bathroom to me. And all the other stuff in that article about how timid bears are and how bad it is to feed us and how if you dump a bag of Cheetos in the yard it’ll cut my life expectancy in half?

Again – no big surprise.

If you ate a whole bag of Cheetos off your lawn, it would probably kill you outright.

I’m just amazed at the obvious nonsense you go out of your way to tell each other. This is what comes from all that extra time you’ve got because you don’t have to forage for food in May when things aren’t growing yet and there’s a surprising amount of ground that’s still covered with snow.

So who cares who pooped where? Any conversation that’s not about the weather seems like a waste to me. Especially conversations about waste. Just sayin’.

Your pal,
Bart

It sounds like Bart is getting a little cranky because he’s wide awake and food is scarce. I’m sure he wishes he’d overslept.

How do you excuse yourself from a pointless conversation?