What to do when you’re being sexually harassed by a household pet


by Cyn Collins | March 19, 2009

Dear Cyn,

My girlfriend has a cat who’s very friendly and charming, but it seems like he’s always most friendly and charming when we’re occupied with other things—if you know what I mean. My girlfriend seems unfazed by the situation, but I find it terrifically distracting to have a cat pawing us up when I’m trying to work my magic. My girlfriend loves this cat like a son, so I don’t want to seem hostile towards him, but it’s really driving me nuts. What should I do?


Dear Mickey,

I hope you like cats, because otherwise she’ll throw you out with the litter. Relationships between cat-lovers and cat-haters never work in the end.

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I know cats are very distracting when they start pawing you up…one of you starts laughing and playing with the cat and before you know it, the magic is gone because you forgot what you were doing in the first place.

You can tell your girl that you love her pussy, but things get hard (or get soft, as it were) because the cat is distracting. Gently carry kitty out of the room, after a nice pat on the head, and close the door.

If she doesn’t go for this, either resign yourself to having a menage(rie)-a-trois or go find yourself a hotter tin roof. Just don’t fling the cat off the bed—that’s seriously bad karma.


Photo by Woowoowoo (Creative Commons).