In order to be considered one of ‘us’ you’ve got to start behaving like one of ‘them.’ The revolution will not be televised, but the rights have already been optioned and I hear that the actress who used to date the musician who was married to the author but was secretly dating the actor who just came out of the closet and is now being linked to the former secretary of something or other is sort of, but not quite possibly linked to star or direct or produce or mention it in his and her and their next press junket.
Remember to abstain from watching A-list films because God forbid you be entertained by anything other than obscure, subtitled and not necessarily well-produced or even well-researched drivel that the director-slash-writer-slash-activist who wears vintage jeans, second-hand shoes and antique glasses (but somehow still manages to spend half a million dollars on his/her wardrobe) released in only forty-five cities to maintain credibility, but conveniently forgets to mention all the independent papers, that the distribution house that delivered the prints to those forty-five cities is same one that releases the A-list films you’re not supposed to watch.
When visiting the grocery store, please keep in mind that though it’s cheaper and by definition, it’s pretty much the exact same thing, you must avoid purchasing any item that does not contain the words “organic” or “free-range” or some lengthy description of the principles the company strongly adheres to in order to save and maintain the environment as they’re loading their products on the gas-guzzling, air-poisoning flatbeds and semi trucks and airplanes. The fact that my chickens and cows had happy lives, my milk comes from a plant instead of an udder and my grains were farmed by farmers who can’t afford to incorporate is well worth the extra ten to eighty dollars a month towards my grocery expenses.
We’ll all join hands and rage against the machine, and bitch about the current administration. Ignore the fact that it’s an administration we put into power in the first place. It’s not our fault that we ignored (twice!) a basic aspect of political science. Bipartisan means three or four or nine parties, right? Who cares if I’m splitting the vote? The grooviest Myspace page deserves our votes. It’s not a matter of winning or losing, it’s all about how you play the game and as long as your game piece has a wicked avatar, then by all means cast your vote for the Socialists and the Green, the libertarians and whoever else looks the part at the right time for the right group. It’s not like we have to live in this country or anything….oh, wait.
And lest we forget, we absolutely must fight against gentrification. But in order to make sure the rally is fully prepared, I’ll get the flyers from Kinko’s, the tee shirts from the Gap and the stickers from Staples. It’s gets cold on the picket line, so make sure somebody brings plenty of Starbucks coffee and Chipotle burritos to keep everybody warm. And we’ve just got to keep the environment in mind so we’ll carpool….but not everybody fits into my Prius (sure it’s a foreign car, but that’s not why the economy sucks…is it?), so we should get a couple of SUV’s to carry everyone.
Hell, while we’re out protesting, lets attack this Iraq war because really, it’s all about oil. But don’t forget to support the troops by making sure everyone wears an American flag, because the one thing that a dying soldier needs more than anything else is the knowledge that thousands of miles away some pretentious schmucks are walking around with old glory on their lapels. Sure, ammunition, reinforcements and provisions are nice, but have you seen how cool my car looks with the flag flapping off the antenna?
So what’s it going to be then, eh?
It used to be that people, especially young people, were aware of what was going down and never hesitated to call “foul” when things weren’t right. Now the appearance of being aware has quadrupled in social value, while actually giving-a-damn has gone the way of the dodo. Somehow we’ve all become plastic cutouts with no taste or sense of our own. We concern ourselves with buying the “right” products from the “right” stores and try to agree with the “right” points of view. Meanwhile, back in reality…
Some of us have become that jerk who buys the most expensive bottle of wine (and tells everyone about it) mistakenly thinking that high price equals high quality. Others are morphing into genre-geeks who go out of their way to find obscure movies, books and music-not because they dig it, but solely because it’s obscure. Some of us have even become the worst kind of scum, self-righteous zealots who try to force others to adhere to our own twisted rationales. This is not how we were raised.
If you dig it, then you dig it. Research you’re candidates, draw outside the lines, do the math for your damn self, ignore the catalogue and buy what appeals to you. Smoke, drink, workout, abstain, gain weight, it doesn’t matter just make up your own mind.
I’m not preaching, I’m just saying. Can anybody out there dig it?