I’m a college student, and I’ve been single for the past several months. This year I’ve been hooking up with a lot of guys. Maybe every weekend I’ll go out to a party, meet a guy, whatever. I’m in college, and right now this is fun. My problem is that I know people are talking about me—and you know what they’re saying. I’m not depressed, I’m not reckless, I’m just trying to have a good time. I don’t think people talk about guys this way—they can hook up with anyone they want. What the hell?
You’re right, people don’t usually talk about guys this way. Of course there is the occasional guy who surpasses other guys in going after whatever/whoever is in front of them—we jokingly called them “mansluts”—but those were the extreme ones. And even they settle down into monogamy often a bit later in life.
So you sound quite healthy to me. The only thing I’d recommend is taking some down time: go to a conservatory or garden and meditate for a bit. Check in with yourself to be certain you aren’t only hooking up with various guys every weekend because a) you can’t be alone, b) you need to be with a lot of guys to boost your self-esteem, c) you’re lonely. Of course the latter is more difficult to face or even acknowledge to yourself, because everyone is lonely at different times even when they are in solid, great relationships. Being lonely, even in a relationship, is human nature because there are always parts of ourselves we don’t know how to reveal, or that our significant other can’t get at, or see or understand.
I think it’s great that you’re exploring the field and having fun. I would recommend more people do this, and not get all caught up in a monogamous relationship at such a young age. So many people who enter monogamy or marry in their early 20s break up before they’re 30—the Saturnine return. Or in normal terms, people change the most when they’re in their late 20s and many relationships can’t sustain after these changes.
But that’s down the road a bit. Just something to consider. I recommend you just keep on being yourself, have a good time, and don’t worry about what others say. Balance this, however, with some weekends alone or with your friends. Part of the reason they’re talking may simply be that they want to be with you, but they feel like they lose your attention every time a cute guy walks past. Just make sure you spend quality time by yourself and with your friends, and do some introspection every once in a while to be certain you’re not engaging in compulsive behavior. I used to think I go out all the time because it’s all really fun. But when there’s not much going on and I still feel the urge/pull to go out regardless, I realize it may be because I sometimes have a hard time just being alone and would rather be “alone” in a crowd of people. It doesn’t have to be all heavy, just step back and look at yourself from an objective point of view, and act from there.
Most of all, keep having fun. You’re young, you’re not doing anything wrong, and you have plenty of years ahead to settle down after you get tired of all the partying. Or, maybe you’re the type to be this way all your life—that’s fine, too. Just always try to be grounded and to love yourself rather than looking for validation from others.