The setting is a bar in Cambridge, Massachusetts; the year is 2007. Cut from exterior shot (cars driving by, pedestrians not smoking cigarettes) to interior: JAY and FELIX, graduate students, are having a conversation over a couple of beers.
FELIX
But aren’t you scared about leaving academia, man? What are you going to do with your life?
JAY
I don’t know, but it’s going to be something awesome. Maybe I’ll be a writer…like a critic! I’ve always wanted to be a critic, ever since I was a kid.
FELIX
That would be cool.
JAY
I won’t just be a critic, I’ll be a supercritic! Like, I’ll go to everything! Theater, art, music…and movies! Just wait, four years from now I’ll be at a pre-release screening for a big new superhero movie. I’ll be a VIP! Maybe there will even, like, be a sign on my seat reading reserved for press. I’ll be like Ro-go mo-fo Ebert, beeyotch!
FELIX
Dream big, man. So what would the movie be?
JAY
I dunno. Something good. What’s there left to make a movie of? What superhero hasn’t had a movie?
FELIX
Um…Wonder Woman? Wonder Dog? The Green Hornet?
JAY
The Green Hornet! That’s it, it’ll be a new movie about the Green Hornet. Maybe it won’t be the best movie ever, but it’ll be pretty good. It’ll be funny—one of those cast-against-the grain things. For the Green Hornet, they’d have…um…
FELIX
Steve Buscemi!
JAY
Um, maybe not that against the grain.
FELIX
Danny DeVito!
JAY
Um…
FELIX
Seth Rogen?
JAY
Sure, yeah, why the hell not? Seth Rogen! And there’d be lots of goofy dialogue, little moments that make you laugh. And then stuff would explode.
FELIX
I’d go to see that.
JAY
I know, right? Except it’s too good to be true—that would never actually happen. I wouldn’t even care who they cast in the rest of the movie. Cameron Diaz, whatever. Some Oscar winner as the villain. Hopefully not Dennis Hopper.
FELIX
Will Dennis Hopper still be alive in 2011?
JAY
Of course he will! Dennis Hopper will outlive us all. But hopefully he won’t still be playing villains.
FELIX
Hopefully. Who would be the director?
JAY
Realistically, or ideally?
FELIX
Both.
JAY
Realistically? Probably like Ron Howard. Ideally? I don’t even know. Um…Michel Gondry!
FELIX
Who’s that?
JAY
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! The Science of Sleep! And a bunch of amazing music videos.
FELIX
They’d never give a big action film to a director like that.
JAY
Who knows? It’s still four years off, but I have a good feeling about 2011.
FELIX
Sure, dude. Me too. I’m going to be teaching at Wisconsin, and you’ll be this big supercritic who gets to see everything, and drives a luxury sedan, and lives in this great place with a view of downtown Minneapolis, and you’ll be sleeping with all the hottest…what? Actresses?
JAY
Well, that would be a conflict of interest.
FELIX
Okay, then…all the hottest…bloggers?
JAY
Listen, we don’t need to speculate on…
FELIX
No, no, let’s dream big! You’ll have left sociology behind for the life of a critic…
JAY
Well, I don’t think I’ll leave sociology totally behind. Maybe I’ll write Sociology for Dummies or something.
FELIX
Sure, you will. You’ll write Sociology for Dummies and, like a travel guide or something, and you’ll be writing for like a million websites, and you’ll go to review this new superhero movie about the Green Hornet starring Seth Rogen and Cameron Diaz and some villain and some sidekick, and it’s directed by Michel Gondry, and…dude, I’m sorry, but that movie is going to suck.
JAY
No! No, it won’t! It sounds like it totally should, but actually it will be great. It will be funny and there’ll be lots of explosions and stuff and they’ll have ridiculous fun with the 3D—because by 2011, all action movies will be in 3D—and I’ll get out of the movie and be like, yeah! That. Just. Happened.
FELIX
What just happened?
JAY
The movie. It’s kind of a thing people will be saying in 2011: “That just happened.” Like a catchphrase.
FELIX
That’s stupid.
JAY
Whatever. I just have a good feeling about this. The Green Hornet. Write that down. Go see that movie.
FELIX
In 2011.
JAY
In 2011.
FELIX
(Raises glass.) Here’s to 2011, the year of unlikely awesomeness.
JAY
(Raises glass.) To unlikely awesomeness. Cheers.
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