Michele Bachmann asks Indie

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Minnesota Monitor has learned that Michele Bachmann, seeing her campaign slipping in the polls and fraught with controversy over the recent revelation that her candidacy has been endorsed not only by God but by Pastor Mac, has gone to Indie the Buffalo (or is he a Bison?) for advice.

Through some stealthy internet sleuthing learned from our friends at Blanked-Out and Vox Verax we managed to obtain a copy of the secret video.

Bachmann: Hi, Indie. It’s Michele again. ‘Member me? The last time we talked it was about, about homo — oh, I can’t say the word — anyway, those happy people — you know, they call themselves gay — at any rate, we talked about them getting married and all that — to each other, for God’s sake! Well, anyway — remember?

Indie: A little known fact. Buffaloes are outstanding judges of character. I’ve grazed the Great Plains and have yet to find five people better suited to lead our state. But I did find a picnic basket, a wagon wheel and three green pennies.

Bachmann: Yeah, well, that’s great. Well, at any rate, I really shouldn’t be talking to you because I know you’re sort of in bed with John, you know. Oops! I didn’t mean that. I mean, in bed and all that. I meant you’re on the same side, you know?

Indie: John James is Team Minnesota’s candidate for Attorney General. He’s a Harvard law guy with the experience and drive to do what’s right for the citizens of Minnesota. As State Commissioner of Revenue he really kicked some tail.

Bachmann: No, no. Not that John. John Binkowski. He’s running against me, you know, and that other woman. Anyway, here’s my question: God has endorsed me, and also Pastor Mac has. But to whom should I give first billing on our fliers, you know, that are going out to the faithful, so to speak? God or Pastor Mac?

(Indie waves his arm “no” and makes a “shame, shame” gesture with his hands.)

Bachmann: What do you mean, Indie? I don’t understand. I have to put someone at the top. Or maybe I should co-bill them. Put God on the left and Pastor Mac on the right. What do you think?

Indie: A little known fact. Buffaloes are outstanding judges of character. I’ve grazed the Great Plains and have yet to find five people better suited to lead our state. But I did find a picnic basket, a wagon wheel and three green pennies…. Give it a try. Give it your best shot, shall we?

Bachmann: Oh, I’m so confused, Indie. You have to help me out. I don’t have three days to fast and pray for an answer.

Indie: A little known fact. Buffaloes are outstanding judges of character. I’ve grazed the Great Plains and have yet to find five people better suited to lead our state. But I did find a picnic basket, a wagon wheel and three green pennies…. I only sing for my supper. You wouldn’t happen to have a handful of prairie grass on you, would you?… Shall we do it now? Oh, let’s. Let’s, let’s, let’s.

Bachmann: Let’s do what, Indie? Pray? Is that what you mean? And what about these five people you keep talking about? Should they be on the flier too?

Indie: I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. Could you please rephrase the question?

Bachmann: Okay, I’ll type a little slower. P-r-a-y. Shall we p-r-a-y? And who are those f-i-v-e p-e-o-p-l-e?

Indie: Are you speaking another language? Please try to put it another way.

Bachmann: You mean Aramaic? I don’t speak Aramaic.

Indie: I’m positively perplexed by that one. Could you try putting it another way?… Shall we do it now? Oh, let’s. Let’s, let’s, let’s.

Bachmann: This is getting a little weird, Indie. Do what now? You kind of sound like that Mark Foley guy in those emails he wrote to all those young boys. Disgusting!

Indie: A little known fact. Buffaloes are outstanding judges of character. I’ve grazed the Great Plains and have yet to find five people better suited to lead our state. But I did find a picnic basket, a wagon wheel and three green pennies…. There! Right there in front of you! Keyboard, keypad, finger touch!

Bachmann: You mean those five people are in on it too? With that Foley guy?

Indie: Are you speaking another language? Please try to put it another way.

Bachmann: What way, Indie? You mean speaking in tongues? Or do you mean…?

Indie: A little known fact. Buffaloes are outstanding judges of character. I’ve grazed the Great Plains and have yet to find five people better suited to lead our state. But I did find a picnic basket, a wagon wheel and three green pennies…. There! Right there in front of you! Keyboard, keypad, finger touch!… Quickly!

Bachmann: Look, Indie, you have me all wrong. If you want me to do what I think you want me to do over the internet…. I… I just don’t do that kind of thing.

Indie: Let’s interact with moi, me…. This is a website, for goodness sakes. Let’s move it, shall we?

Bachmann: Oh, this is terrible! What would Pastor Mac say?

Indie: Look, I graduated cum laude from a notable Ivy League school for gifted bison. But I don’t know everything…. Please, this is an in-ter-ac-tive experience. Let’s experience it, shall we?

Bachmann: Please, Indie, you’re rushing me. What would my husband say? Maybe I should ask him first.

Indie: A little known fact. Buffaloes are outstanding judges of character. I’ve grazed the Great Plains and have yet to find five people better suited to lead our state. But I did find a picnic basket, a wagon wheel and three green pennies…. There! Right there in front of you! Keyboard, keypad, finger touch!

Bachmann: Oh, my head aches. I think I have to go now, Indie. This isn’t working out at all like I planned.

Indie: A little known fact. Buffaloes are outstanding judges of character….

(A little humor, with apologies to all parties involved. DISCLAIMER: Nothing in the above material shall be construed as an endorsement of any candidate, whether we live in their district or not.)

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