Dear Cyn, hey Nicky—
My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago after dating for a year. I really care about him, and I miss him, but I wouldn’t say we were in love. The breakup was pretty mutual, and we’re on good terms; we’re in some of the same social circles, so we see each other every once in a while. The other night we happened to be at the same party, and at one point in a quiet corner he tried to kiss me. I asked what he thought he was doing-did he want to get back together? No, he said, but…you get the idea. I definitely thought about it-it wouldn’t have to be any big deal, right? If we were both clear about things? Everyone needs some…company every once in a while? Right? I was about to text him right now, but thought I’d try you guys first. Can you give me the all-clear on this, or am I missing something?
Dear Kat –
All clear! I say go ahead, go for it, it’s not to late to…well, you know how the rest of the Devo song goes). You both want about the same thing, and it sounds like you both have the same amount of emotional attachment—or detachment, as it were. Did you break up because you just weren’t that into each other? You noted you both weren’t in love. As long as you’re honest with yourself, above all, and not going into this with hopes for more from him than he has to offer, I think you’ll be just fine.
If you catch yourself developing feelings for him in the process of having fun, or one of you wants exclusivity, thus excluding possible opportunities for more well-rounded, less one-dimensional relationships, then I’d say it’s time to either rediscuss what’s going on, or opt out for something more fulfilling both emotionally and physically.
In the meantime, what have you got to lose? Unless I’m missing something here, I think this sounds like a fun diversion until you find someone you can fall in love with. Remember to put this in the right context—e.g. not very major in the broader scheme of things—and stay open for love down the road. If you are too focused on only this one thing, that could be detrimental to meeting someone who has more to offer, to whom you can give more as well.