Our City has recently been invaded by a colony of Cyclops-like creatures. Actually they have been here for more than a year. They escaped from a circus that passed through in September of 2008. At that time the Cyclops colony clustered in the downtown area and the public was assured it was harmless. However a recent spurt of growth in the Cyclops population has caused concern around the city. The colony is spreading out from downtown. They seem to prefer heavily traveled streets and busy intersections.
The feeding habits of the Cyclops are of great concern. Originally the colony sustained itself by spying on evil terrorists and kooky anarchists. However, it is now clear that terrorists do not plot their evil schemes at busy intersections, and the anarchists have vanished. Now that its usual diet is no longer available, the colony has developed a taste for ordinary citizens going about their business. Its favorite condiments seem to be fear, mistrust, and suspicion. Worse yet, these evil creatures get their fiber by devouring the Constitution.
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The Cyclops colony apparently has a social structure much like that of a bee or ant colony. The most important individual is the queen. She is far larger and stays secluded, while the rest of the colony exists only to sustain her. The queen seems to have an insatiable curiosity about us. Her memory is vast, permanent and expandable. She can communicate with other agencies and seems eager to share data with them. But without the Cyclops “worker bees” spread throughout our fair City, she would starve to death.
A common concern is that the queen can take image data from the Cyclopes around town, use recognition software to read license plates and then match that data with other data bases. What might be done with such data is not known, at least not to the general public, but it seems fair to wonder: can face recognition software be far away? We simply don’t know.
Here’s what to look for: The Cyclops has one giant, unblinking eye. The preferred nesting place is atop poles in and around busy intersections where they have a good view of us yet are easily overlooked by unwary citizens. They thrive in our climate, doing equally well in the heat and cold. They need no sleep and can watch over us day and night.
It is not clear what ordinary citizens are to do. Some suspect that the authorities are colluding with the colony. We fear the best we can do at this uncertain moment is to monitor the growth of this colony. Attached is a map of the city with the known Cyclops locations indicated. Please study this map and inform us of locations not yet marked.
How to protect yourself: If you must leave home, avoid busy streets. Do not drive a car. Cover your face or wear a cap with a large bill. Scarves and hoods are believed to be effective. Keep your face down. Avoid windows that might reflect your image into the beasts’ field of view.
Despite its vast network of high resolution eyeballs, ability to communicate with all sorts of data bases and virtually unlimited computing and memory capacity, the colony is completely unable to spot a pothole and report it to the appropriate authorities!