“Mamma Mia!”: Codpieces on parade

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As Emma, the reviewer, sat down she wondered if she would like the show.  She enjoyed ABBA, but had not heard many good things said about Mamma Mia.  The musical was about a girl who lived with her Mother on a Greek Island and decided to invite the three men who might be her Father to her wedding.  A sudden flash appeared in the corner of the reviewer’s eye as she perused her program.  She quickly glanced over and sighed.  A group of old women were filing into the house of the theater wearing flashing, light-up tiaras that matched the color of their neon feather boas.  The reviewer rolled her eyes and hoped that this was not a foreshadow of things to come and that they would turn off the tiaras before the show started.

After the lights faded and the tiaras were turned off, Emma smiled as she felt the heavy drumbeat of the overture thump through her bones.  The reviewer’s eyes widened as she watched the curtain suddenly turn into what appeared to be the ocean.  “This was going to be good” she thought as she settled into her seat to enjoy the show.  Little did the writer know that Mamma Mia would be a show that she would probably detest the thought of for the rest of her life.

Our reviewer leaned forward, straining to hear the voice of Chloe Tucker, who played the lead female named Sophie, over the loud music that had been so appealing in the introduction.  No, no it wasn’t the music.  It was the actress’s voice, she was singing too quietly and not enunciating.  The actress looked young, younger than the age of the character that she played.  The reviewer could barely hear what was being said on the stage.  Now the walls of the set were moving and the colors were becoming less dull to look at.  What a relief, a scene change!  Emma became hopeful that the first song was just a dud and that everything else would be amazing.

At intermission the reviewer considered what she had seen so far as she stared at her notes.  The show had gone careening downhill quickly from the amazing overture.  There were few things that kept her from hating the show with every fiber of her being.  The dancing was awesome and fun to watch.  The only characters that she had liked were those who played the comic relief, the Mother’s two friends and the Australian Dad.  The characters were played by Alison Ewing, Mary Callanan, and John-Michael Zuerlein.  The singing was mainly sub-par.  The plot was boring and did not fit with the songs, which made everything feel forced.  Other than the dancing and comic relief, the show was a despair and our intrepid reviewer was becoming despondent about the fact that the show was only half way over.  

Emma sat down as intermission ended and tried to psych herself up for the second half of Mamma Mia.  The second act began with a hypnotizing neon swirl spinning on the curtain.  She starred at it, watching as the curtain slowly rose to reveal Sophie laying on a bed.  Then Sophie’s three Dads entered, wearing suits, along with people who were wearing bright neon swim gear.  Spotlights swirled around, turning the scene into a confused jumble.  The reviewer was unable to look at the stage without gagging.  Her head spun from trying to understand what was happening in the musical.  It made no sense!  Finally the song ended and thankfully, the actors who were clad in neon left the stage.  Then came Christian Whelan, the main Dad named Sam.  “Holy Thantos!  He cannot sing at all” she thought wincing while Whelan screeched out “We’re” at the top of his lungs in a cracked voice.  Sadly that was not the end of the show.  Codpieces were the final number.  Codpieces that could have been used to smuggle watermelons.  The reviewer now needed to run home and bleach her eyes.  This was a show she would have been happy to miss.