by Cyn Collins | February 26, 2009
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Dear Cyn,
I’m a woman in my early 20s, and my boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months. I’m not a churchgoer. He’s Catholic, and he doesn’t believe in premarital sex…but he seems fine with everything (and believe me, I mean everything) else. I really enjoy what we do, but sometimes I get so frustrated, I tell him it would almost be better if we just kissed and held hands and left it at that. He seems kind of conflicted about the whole thing, but this is obviously a very important and touchy subject with him, and I feel like it’s hard for us to talk about. It seems like this would be a crazy thing to break up over, but it’s driving me crazy! What should I do?
Sincerely,
St. Pauli Girl
Dear St. Pauli Girl,
Well, luckily for you, indulgences are back. It’s conceivable you could lure him over the edge to have premarital sex with you, and spend some time in a soup kitchen later to spare himself some time in purgatory.
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It’s unclear to me how “everything else” does not fall into the category of “sex”—I’m no expert, but he may not be sticking straight to the Papal playbook on this one. Wherever he’s getting his theology, you clearly have issues here. If you really want to stick with this guy regardless of him holding out on you, things have got to change. Since “everything else” is okay, you can introduce even more kinky fun into the mix—consider all avenues of exploration. Offer him an apple with a wink and a come-hither smile once in a while (and tell him you’ll be there to help break his “fall”). Gently broach the subject, while playing together, that you read about…whatever you’d like to try. Or stop into Smitten Kitten and pick up a toy that would rock both your worlds without breaking his rules. (Get one that works solo as well, so if he gets freaked out by the idea, you aren’t out $80 for nothing.) Tell him about it first, before scaring him by showing it to him.
Since you’re not having sex and he’s touchy about talking about it, you may want to consider getting an additional boyfriend to fill the void—how you discuss this with him is up to you. Or you may want to just move on, knowing you’re not on the same page, and if you do marry, there will be other rules that may get in the way of an off-the-hook sex life. (Diapers are so expensive these days!) Personally, unless you think you love the guy and feel you can hold out longer because has so many attractive qualities, I wouldn’t stick around. If you do love him and are comfortable communicating with him, you’ll find ways to enjoy yourself—with or without him.
Sincerely,
Cyn
Photo by Abhisek Chatterjee (Creative Commons).
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