Dear Cyn,
My friend leads an active sex life, and she’s pretty public about it—she tweets, Facebooks, and blogs about the guys she’s been with. In detail, if you know what I mean. But here’s the thing: she’s a single mom. She has two kids who are preschoolers. I asked her if it’s really appropriate for her to be so public about her sex life when she has two young kids, but she says (a) it doesn’t involve them, since they won’t meet any guys except ones she’s seriously and exclusively dating; and (b) sex is a natural part of human life, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Still, I think she should keep things under the covers where they belong. What do you think?
-Ricki
Dear Ricki,
Well, this is question is a doozy. I have a few questions for you: Why? Why does she feel the need to display all the details on multiple forms of media? And a blog? Very public.
Are the kids all right? That’s the question. I agree that she as a single mom might consider keeping things under the covers more. Those kids are getting close to reading age, and she is their primary role model. When they get on mom’s computer or take a sneak peek while she is making dinner, how does this shape their minds, being little and impressionable? They likely don’t know about sex yet, and this brings up questions.
Of course she’s right—sex is a natural part of life. Needing to kiss and tell every detail (something which utterly removes the mystery or mystique of it) indicates there may be something going on here that has nothing to do with the sex: a cry for attention, a desire to be seen as desirable. And that in itself is not healthy. Regarding the children, it’s good for them to have a healthy role model who has more to say in the public spectrum than details of the various physical aspects of her life. If she talks about heart stuff as well, that helps. But there is so much more to life. And it’s good for kids to know that from their main teacher.
I’d look out for the kids, maybe talk with them as a friend and ask how they feel. Are they happy? You know, let them know you care. It never hurts for them to have more than one role model in their life.
Good luck,
Cyn
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