Active verbs – avoid “to be”
A teacher is someone who deserves respect.
VERSUS
Teachers deserve respect.
Make it jump – cut long verb phrases
Americans tend to change their residences often.
VERSUS
Americans move often.
VERSUS
The average American moves once every five years.
Show, don’t tell.
Speeches were full of passion and vigor.
VERSUS
Pounding the podium, Hal Feffer delivered a speech that brought the audience to their feet in a standing ovation.
Use quotes, stories and vivid descriptions.
Growing surveillance is in more and more areas of our lives.
VERSUS
Stepping into the post office for some stamps, pumping gas at the corner station, popping into the convenience store, walking down the hallway at school, waiting to catch a bus — in these and a hundred other actions, you’re on camera. (Park Bugle)
The mayor denied the allegations.
VERSUS
“Absolutely not,” the mayor said. “I never set eyes on that woman.”
The exception that proves the rule: say, says, said.
He said. She said. The governor said. The doctor says.
USUALLY NOT
He exclaimed. She warbled. The governor denounced. The doctor muttered.
New Standard Handbook says:
“Beware of so-called “weasel words,” like “many,” “some,” “often” etc., which tend to be baseless in fact and meaningless to the reader (e.g. “many people enjoy vanilla, but many others prefer chocolate”). It is often necessary to use these terms, but they must be applied with caution, and never to manipulate readers’ perception.”
©2008-2012 Mary Turck