Why I love Michele Bachmann

by Myles Spicer | May 12, 2009 • Well, let me explain right off, I do not mean “love” in the sense you might construe. Nor, do I even suggest, Michele would “love” me back – despite my devastatingly good looks, remarkable intelligence, and humility. I refer to “love” in this piece as the love an unrepentant liberal has for this “unusual” lady politically. First, a word of explanation for those of you who may not recognize the name of Michele Bachmann immediately. She is the current Congresswoman from the 6th district of Minnesota; an area covering the northern suburbs (and a bit more) of the Twin Cities. Moreover, she has gained a modicum of fame with her unique, weird, colorful, and out-of-the-box proclamations in the media and in the halls of Congress itself. Her views are a bit to the right of Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity -- more in the genre of Ghengis Khan. Actually, there are few American templates to match her with, so it is a rather difficult task. Let me first give you a few samples (all are pretty well known) before I explain why a dyed-in-the-wool liberal would extol such a woman. My first recollections of Michele (may I call you Michele?), are pictures of her hiding behind some bushes scoping out a gay pride gathering. Her bright blue eyes twinkling at the sight of the gay men and lesbians enjoying the rally whilst Michele closely observes the entire “sordid” scene. What’s not to love about that? As you may quickly surmise, Michele comes from a hard right, born again Christian religious background. To her (and I quote): “...the gay community was specifically targeting children; and our children are the prize for this community”. Bachmann has said that people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender suffer from "sexual dysfunction" and "sexual identity disorders." Is she wrong? Well, not according to God. You see, according to Michele, God himself (herself?) directed her to go to law school...get into politics...and run for Congress. Now I ask you, if God himself (herself?) endorses her beliefs, how could she be wrong? Love that lady! That’s not all. God also directed her into other religious discussions, like intelligent design. You see, Bachmann supports the teaching of intelligent design in public school science classes. During a 2003 interview on KKMS Christian radio program "Talk The Walk", Bachmann said that, “Evolution is a theory that has never been proven, one way or the other”. In her term in the State Senate, she co-authored a bill that would require public schools to include alternative explanations for the origin of life as part of the state's public school science curricula. In October 2006, Bachmann told a debate audience in St. Cloud, Minnesota, that “there is a controversy among scientists about whether evolution is a fact or not...There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.” This woman has incredible insight – I never knew that! Hundreds of Nobel Prize winners, huh? What’s not to love? But let’s jump to three of her most recent “unusual” pronouncements in House. All are worthy of comment. When the bill to encourage young people to get involved in government service (AmeriCorps) was recently expanded, Michele fought tooth and nail to protect our kids. She clearly pointed out: AmeriCorps is really “mandatory re-education camps for young people - to get trained in a philosophy that the government puts forward." She continued, “It is a dream come true for people who want to transform our country from a free-market economy to a centralized government planned economy. It is completely different and antithetical to what our founders gave us and I think people should be shocked, they should be stunned with what is happening and the speed at which it's happening and in particular, what is happening with the G-20 and the trans-national aspects of what our President is committing our nation to.” The bill passed easily, and that pinko Orrin Hatch had the nerve to put our Michele down with the comment: “...this bill is probably the most bipartisan bill we will see on the Senate floor this year. Nothing in the legislation was mandatory”. Damn lefties! And speaking of “lefties” in Congress, what about her courageous stand on weeding out “unpatriotic” legislators, which she offered, saying, “let's examine all congressmen to see who is pro-America, and who is not pro-America.” What a grand idea. I am certain she will want to start with those congressmen who want to rid the country of such Constitutional niceties as prohibitions on torture, or spying on our citizens, or who approved sole-source sweetheart contracts to their friends (like Halliburton), etc. And what about those right wingers who favor the secession of various states, (like maybe Texas); their love of our country is indeed diminished. God Bless America? Yes, Michele is right on – these folks truly are “unpatriotic” – she has the right idea, just wrong people. But her most recent comments on the swine flu are most delicious. Her contention is that the emergence of this flu with the commencement of a Democratic administration could clearly be considered more than a “coincidence”, because it also last appeared when Carter was President. I must give her a slight slap on the wrist for two misstatements here: the first outbreak did not take place while Carter was president, and actually I think the swine flu might come from kissing pigs. Oh well, our lady cannot be perfect. There’s lots more to like about Michele – like her views on Carbon Dioxide (Co2): "Carbon dioxide is not a harmful gas, it is a harmless gas. Carbon dioxide is natural; it is not harmful...we're being told we have to reduce this natural substance to create an arbitrary reduction in something that is naturally occurring in the earth." Well, if it is “natural” what could be wrong with that (except too much of it will eventually kill you)? You just have to love her scientific prowess – a multi-talented lady. And she is against the dollar being replaced by foreign currency (well, who would want to start paying their mortgage with Yen - you’ve got to like that). And then there was that profound pronouncement she made after visiting Iraq for ONE day: “"We don't want to see al-Qaida get a presence in the United States. Al-Qaida doesn't seem to show any signs of letting up. We have to keep that in mind." Damn right, Michele...I certainly do not want any of those al-Qaida guys running around my neighborhood in Minnetonka. Keep up the good work! So, why would a flaming liberal “love” Michele Bachmann? Here are five good reasons. First, she adds “color” to the political scene in an otherwise drab post election period (red meat for the talk shows). Secondly, she is a strong voice for the Republican Party’s right wing – the one that now seems to control the party – and that represents volume and clarity for the out-of-touch GOP positions. Third, she is a coalescing factor for the Dems – uniting them in their quest for reform of past practices. Fourth, she brings us news from the “Bizarro World” – how else would you know what is happening down there, I ask you? And finally, as was stated once in the Huffington Post: “Michele Bachmann is the gift that keeps on giving”. Expertise in theology, science, chemistry, finance, world affairs, and even sexual dysfunction; Michele is truly one-of-a-kind. All in all...you just gotta “love” that lady!