In the wake of megastorm Sandy, Bain Capital, which was co-founded by Mitt Romney and where he served as CEO until he resigned in 1999 but didn’t actually resign until 2002 when he really meant it, is planning to make a leveraged buyout of the entire Northeast. It would be the biggest buyout yet on the part of the alternative asset management firm which already owns controlling interests in Clear Channel Communications and the Staples chain of discount office supply stores.
“Almost all the assets of the region are underwater, which means they are greatly undervalued right now,” says Bain spokesperson, Noah Klein, who argues that part of the undervaluation can be blamed on the “Obama economy.”
“We also understand that many people there have already been laid off — permanently — with more to come,” he says. “It’s a Bain-ful kind of opportunity!”
Asked on the campaign trail whether he agreed with the timing of Bain’s announcement, Mitt Romney replied, “Remember folks — hurricanes are people, too. That’s why we give them names!”